For another time in my life, I feel that I'm alive. My heart beats, the kind of beat I am familiar with. The one I longed for, still I feared the most. I don't know if I'm yet again falling in love. But my heart tells me I am. It's good to know that somehow, for a long time, I felt once again that my heart pumps blood. . I am alive. For months, which I considered to be years, I feel dull, lifeless and invisible. Like an aging flower. Noticed once, and soon forgotten.
For a long time, I thought of myself as a plain girl. Moving and breathing but unnoticed. I hated that fact. That I'm the type who is usually ignored. I felt insecure. I felt alone. Not until he noticed me. I felt happiness. It rushed through my veins like adrenaline.. pumping my every blood till it reach my heart. I can feel his senses reach through mine like a bow. Now, I'm afraid to be experiencing this feeling again --- falling in love. It was gone, now it has come back. Still the same, slowly burning my heart.
I had overcome this before, so I'm sure I can do it again this time. When I close my eyes, I can't resist the pain coming. It blows in through my heart, hurting every edges till I become numb. He's always on my mind. I can't explain it.
Though I've longed for this. . I'm sure that I would hate this. It will be like saying that its better that i haven't known about you. The warnings, they keep coming on like monsters. I am haunted. I can't just ignore them. Rules are rules. I can't change them unless I want to die.
No comments:
Post a Comment