I just woke up and i had a dream. I dreamt of someone I knew and I had loved before, he's J. In my dream, he's going to marry a pretty girl. It seemed real, but I knew it wasn't because I'm awake. Still, I felt something. I was hurt. I don't know why. I know that I'm not supposed to, but in my dream I feel uneasy, ashamed and jealous.
My dream went out like this. I was with my family and I was like in an entourage? or something like that. It's not clear, but I knew that I'm in a church. There were people. Some were dressed, some were not (dressed properly). And I was like walking inside with my grandfather. When I was done accompanying him, I went out. I'm not sure what happened first, but there's this scene where J is there, and some "well-off" people. They're all waiting for someone. . .And then it came. A car arrived. Then a pretty girl went down. She's curly, fair skinned and she wears a short dress. Her hair's dyed, and she's holding a dog. J hugged her enthusiastically. They look hungry, thirsty, for each other. I was looking at them, and suddenly I felt? What the hell was that. Around them were people, and they're all happy. Clapping and smiling.
I felt nauseated. I was like making something to distract myself of the weird feeling. Then I saw a tarp, announcing a wedding -- their wedding. Then, I was talking to myself something like . . my parents, they took j from me. . blahx2. . .
Then I opened my eyes. It was a dream, a sign.
This suddenly came into my mind while reminiscing the dream:
"I want you so bad, but the whole world do not. When I try to love you, the whole world will be so mad at me that they can kill me. I want to take care of you, kiss and hug you, walk with you, laugh with you . . and seat in silence with you. But I can't and should not, or I'll be dead."
I'm not sure if this feeling is true. But, there's a proof that I felt it, and I thought of it. However, I still doubt it. Feelings are deceptive. And base on experience, I should not trust them 100%.
Why do I still feel this attachment for that guy. There is still something that connects me to him, and it's weird. Anyway. It's just a dream, or maybe a sign? Something that tells me J's over you, he'd moved on. and he got a pretty girl, he's happy so leave him alone. (well, i'm not pursuing him anyway)
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